From Lifeless Grey to Budding Green

 

This grey, dead tree could represent me at some time in my life journey. It is there. It is taking up space. Yet does it have a purpose? One may see the old tree as something with no purpose. However, is this true? On the outside, there is no sign of life, but on the inside, there are insects making a home as birds come to feed off of the life living from within. Yes, as long as this old grey tree stands, it may have a purpose for a short time. Just as I struggled through my own grey moments in my life journey, there was always hope for life to come.

In May 2022, I stopped writing on this blog because I wondered if I was writing as a duty for myself instead of for God's glory. Since May of 2022, I have done a lot of living: traveling, being there to sit with my grandchildren, ballgames, concerts, gardening, organizing a woman's retreat, having young women in my home for Bible study, assisting with local Bible release program in local public school, teaching children's class on Wednesday nights, and enjoying life's journey. Yet, at this moment two years later, I am wondering why I see me in that old grey tree. 

It has been a difficult year for me. When your children are being attacked and hurt, you hurt too. When your grandchildren share their feelings, you feel with them. Satan will use those from within the church to attack faithful servants. Now, as I look back over this last year, I see this may not have been Satan, but God's way of slowing life down for my family. Maybe, they need to step back, slow down, and make time to see where God truly wants them. Yet, the lies spilled out, the hurt feelings, and the attacks on good people will take time to heal for all involved. I understand this is not about me nor any of my family, but it is about God being able to help all involved to turn to Him and grow in His love.

Growing in God's love and grace is where I stand at this moment. In my current study, I am back in Acts. This is where I was when I stopped posting on this blog two years ago. In every chapter, the Holy Spirit is leading those who give up self to serve Him. First, we must be willing to give up Self. It is a battle with our human nature of looking out and protecting ME. I have to let go of pride, envy, and jealousy before the Holy Spirit can work in me. I do not want to be like Simon in Acts 8. Simon believed, but he wanted to have the Holy Spirit to lift up himself above others instead of lifting up God. He lacked the faith to give all to God. We will not grow in God's love and grace if we make it about self-glory instead of God. 

So, here I am considering that dead grey tree. Yes, I was stuck in the hurt feelings. I was that lifeless grey tree containing life within but not the life that gives budding green leaves for growth. Now, after praying and seeking God for months, I have found the life I was missing. I have let go of the bitterness and opened my heart and mind to be filled with God's love and grace. On this cloudy day, I have the light of God within me seeking His will only. As I pray and seek Him on this day, I am no longer like the dry grey tree, because I am moving on filled with the Holy Spirit to serve God and grow the Kingdom of God. 

"Let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us; and establish the work of our hands upon us: Yes, establish the work of our hands." Psalms 90:17

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